I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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