Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
