420 ftw
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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