the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
