I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
