she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
