i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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