My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
