Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
