I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
