listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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