I wanna bring you to show and tell
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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