i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
