Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I currently don't understand fingers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
