I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
