Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
