Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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