based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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