to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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