Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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