smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
