there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
