I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
