Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
