oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
