Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
false alarm. still invincible.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
