Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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