My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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