I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
