I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
