So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize