he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
