Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
