just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
