4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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