so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
