Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So squirting runs in the family.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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