is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
