first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
