Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
