Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
