Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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