found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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