I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This baby is an asshole
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
