Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
