Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
