He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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