you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
