You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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