I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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