They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
