I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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