you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
