Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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