loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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