There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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