yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
