If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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