she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
