Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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