So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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