My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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