Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she told me i tasted like america
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
