Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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