Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
