Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
