Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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