When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just pee around me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
