Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
