I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
