New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
